Honoring Our Fathers

Text: Ephesians 6:1-4

Introduction: We live in difficult times. The Middle East is in flames. Uncertainty is everywhere. This last week a white man in Charleston, South Carolina murdered nine black people at a Bible study in a church. You have to wonder if there is any decency left in the world? Marriage is under attack by homosexuals supported by left wing media, the ACLU, and courts that have no regard for God, Christian principles, or decency. The NEA wants to teach kindergarten children the “value” of same parent families, and promote gay sex education to first graders. California has made it a crime to counsel young people with gender identity problems to be straight. Effeminate and transgender men walk the streets flaunting their wantonness, and anyone opposing their lifestyle is accused of homophobia and hate crimes. To make matters worse, many so-called Christian leaders have surrendered the clear teaching of Scripture to embrace a view more acceptable to an ungodly world. You can’t blame children growing up in this era if they are confused.

In contrast, I think most fathers of any worth would like to think of themselves as a masculine model of leadership for their children. They would like to be John Wayne tough, or project a Clint Eastwood soft-spoken machismo. But I think sometimes we confuse macho for real fatherhood.

When I was at The Basic School in Quantico, Virginia in the Marine Corps, we held a three round boxing smoker at the end of our training. (TBS was a beginning infantry school that all Marine officers went through before going to their specialty field.) Several guys volunteered to participate and the heavyweight bout touted two big bruisers named Olivo and Leuks. Olivo came from the wrong side of the tracks in Pittsburg. He was about six-foot-two, with a solid square body, and was a tough-as-nails street brawler. He talked like Sylvester Stallone in the Rocky movies. Leuks was six-foot-four and came from California, but we didn’t know much else about him.

At formation the morning of the smoker the bouts were announced with each participant assigned to the red or blue corner. When Leuks was announced in the red corner, Olivo broke discipline and yelled out from the formation, “Hey, Leuks, you’re gonna be in the dead corner.”

The smoker was held with matches in each weight category until finally the anticipated heavyweight fight began. The bell rang and Olivo charged to the center of the ring and threw a flurry of wild punches at Leuks. Leuks protected himself and backed up, but rather than pressing what looked to be an early advantage, Olivo turned to the crowd, raised his arms in the air and strutted around the ring. When he turned back to face Leuks again, Leuks threw a sledge hammer punch into Olivo’s breadbasket knocking the breath out of him and he went straight to the canvass. He rolled over and briefly stood up, but then had to lie down on his back again to try to get some air. The fight was over in forty-five seconds. It turned out that Leuks had been a Golden Gloves boxer in his youth and was more than a match for the street-brawler from Pittsburg. Olivo saw himself as a macho man, but he was hardly a good role model for children. Just being a tough guy isn’t a qualification for being dad of the year.

Contrast that with the story of a school that had collapsed in Chechnya about ten years ago. Rescuers had searched for four days trying to find survivors and had announced that no one else could have survived. They prepared to knock down the walls that still stood, but one man would not let them give up the search. He stood in the way of the bulldozers and single-handedly started carrying out chunks of concrete still searching for his son. Others joined the search and three days later in the bottom of the rubble he found his son and several other boys still alive in a small pocket. It turned out that when the other boys had given up hope, there was one that kept their spirits up and encouraged them through the long days in the darkness. It was his encouragement that kept the other boys alive.

When asked later by a news reporter why he had not given up and where he got the strength to keep their hopes alive even after seven days of no food and water, he said that his father had told him that if he was ever in trouble that he would come. He said he knew his father would come. That’s what gave him the will to survive, and then his father came. That father had lived a life of integrity in front of his son that gave his son the confidence to trust his father’s word even in the most hopeless situation.

That is the true example of manhood. That is the real definition of a father. One who is strong, faithful, and true to his word. If your father was or is like this man be thankful, because many men have children, but not many are good fathers. Many times people will have someone who was like a father to them in the absence of their own. Some were adopted. In my case my dad left when I was seven years old and in many ways my grandfather filled in. But some have never known their fathers, and this may be the greatest tragedy of all. My heart goes out to you.

Today is Father’s Day and we are honoring our fathers. So let me start with this manhood issue.

I. What does true manhood require?

There are many words we could use to describe manhood, but I think there are two that rather encompasses them all, masculinity and authenticity.

Many think masculinity is being macho, but it is more than that. Masculinity has nothing to do with size or muscles. When I was a flight student in Beeville, Texas, there was a family at the church I attended named Barber. They had a son named Jay. Jay was a kid after my own heart. He loved baseball, and he wasn’t afraid to play it. The problem was, Jay was the smallest kid on his team. He was the smallest kid in his class at school. I went out and watched him play. They had him pitching and playing second base. When he got on the mound he looked like he belonged in a younger league because he wasn’t half the size of some of those other kids, but he stared down the batters and pitched the ball. Now Jay wasn’t very macho, but he was every bit a manly man and a picture of masculinity. Masculinity doesn’t depend on size or muscles.

Masculinity is discipline of character. It is doing what is right simply because it is the right thing to do. It is a refusal to compromise on personal convictions. It is a strong determination to set a course of action and the courage to stay at a task. It’s facing your fears, and as John Wayne would say, “It’s being scared to death, but saddling up anyway.” Masculinity is a man choosing marriage as a course of action and then staying with it through better or worse, not giving up on his wife or children no matter what the circumstances.

Authenticity is showing affection. It’s all right for a man to hug and kiss his children. They need to know you love them. Authenticity is being vulnerable. It’s all right to cry when you are sad or heart broken. Your children need to see your compassion. Authenticity is not being afraid to ask for help when you need it. When I need help with the computer, the person I go to for help is Jonathan. You don’t need to be a superman to your family. You need to teach them there are limits and there are ways to get help. Authenticity is integrity. Do not be afraid to apologize to your children if you are wrong. Nobody is perfect. Everybody is going to make mistakes. Your children need to see how you handle things correctly when you’ve been wrong, so that they will learn to do the same and not try to cover up something that is better confessed.

A father doesn’t need to be perfect; he just needs to be real. The best definition of a father I think is someone who is there for you when you need him.

II. What does fatherhood require?

Being a good father begins with being a good husband. A father needs to love his wife (Ephesians 5:25). The greatest gift a man can give his children is to love their mother. Along with that a father must honor his wife (I Peter 3:7). Understand that women are emotional, even unreasonable. Learn to deal with it and treat her like a princess always.

A father must show his children a fond affection. Affection means to “feel drawn to someone or something.” The term is both masculine and tender, as a father gently holding his child and being affectionately drawn to that little one. My grandfather used to carry my cousin’s babies, his great grandchildren, around and he would sing, “Draga, draga.” Nobody knew what it meant, and he couldn’t sing a lick, but he would carry them around just soothing them with his voice. This was a man who was every bit macho. As a young man he had a farm and when a horse died he dug the hole by himself and buried the animal. And that with a bad heart and asthma besides.

Affection needs to be demonstrated, especially as the child grows older. Remember in the story of the prodigal son in Luke 15, how when the son came home the father ran to meet him, and hugged and kissed him. A father should have such affection for his children.

A father should be transparent. Let your children know what you believe and teach it to them. They should hear the Gospel from you. Put your life into your children’s lives and teach them proper values, how to make good decisions, how to handle finances; give them assurance that you value them, give them a positive attitude about life. Show them you have a sense of humor, but also talk about stresses and failures. Share your life with them.

A father needs to show his children a diligence in labor. Show them by example how to be devoted and dedicated to a job. They will learn to work or be lazy by what you do.

There also needs to be a spiritual authenticity. You need to not only speak spiritually, but also act spiritually. You must practice what you preach. A father must lead his children by example. He must be a positive influence on their lives. Discipline is also necessary, but discipline should be positive. Make it purposeful. Do not be unfair and drive your children to anger, but in love make a point and teach them scriptural principles that will bring them to God.

III. What does honoring our fathers require?

First we must obey our fathers. This shows respect and is a public testimony of honoring them. Second, love your father. That should go without saying, but it often doesn’t happen. Sometimes fathers find it hard to tell their children, “I love you.” Love them anyway. You don’t know what factors led them to where they are today. Some men find it hard to show affection because they were never shown affection. Others went through experiences that may have marred them for life. They carry the burden and stresses of taking care of the family.

In 1969, Crosby, Stills and Nash, introduced a song called “Teach Your Children.” With a very beautiful, thought provoking harmony, they expressed the difficulty of fathers to be affectionate. Just briefly, some of the lines of the song were these: “And you of tender years can’t know the fears your elders grew by.” “Teach your children well, their father’s hell did slowly go by.” “Don’t you ever ask them why, if they told you, you would die, so just look at them and sigh, and know they love you.”

Now you know that I don’t get my doctrine from 1960s hippie culture folk rock songs. In fact, I don’t know another song ever performed by Crosby, Stills and Nash. This one just happens to be popular even to this day and you hear it from time to time. But it seems to illustrate the point that there are experiences men face that may leave them cold and distant, and cause them to be unable to show affection.

My dad always gave me hugs, and I’m sure when I was young he probably told me he loved me. But somewhere along the line he stopped, because I have no conscious memory of him ever saying it until my 26th birthday. It was a Sunday morning and I was in South Carolina getting ready to go to church. When we talked occasionally it was always at night so I was surprised to get his call, but I was stunned when he said, “I love you, son.”

What really shocks me is the disrespectful attitude that some Christians have for their fathers. I was staying in a place once and I heard some shouting outside that was so loud that I went to see what was happening. Out in the yard it was the pastor yelling at his father who was also a pastor in the most ungodly, disrespectful manner you could imagine. My dad was an ungodly man but I never in my life spoke back to him, much less yelled at him.

The last conversation I had with my dad, as I was getting ready to leave, he stood, even though it was difficult for him because he was suffering with MS, and I gave him a hug and spoke softly in his ear, “Dad, do you know you’re saved?” He assured me he was, and with tears I told him I loved him, and he told me. I’m sure that for all his faults, that as much as he was able he did love me. And for all my faults as much as I was able, because I held a lot of bitterness, I tried to love and honor him.

Conclusion: Today we honor our fathers. The best way we can honor them is to love them and obey them. If you had or have a godly father, one who was masculine and authentic, you should be thankful, and you should tell him. If he’s passed on you should thank the Lord for him. If you did not have a godly father, you should still thank the Lord, because the experiences you’ve been through have shaped and molded you to become who you are today. And if there was someone else in your life who was a fatherly example to you, you should thank the Lord for that person, and tell him thank you also. To all the fathers, I hope this is an encouragement to you. And to all the children, I hope you will honor your father today.

Happy Father’s Day.